Read the daily ramblings of my life. Read it and weep. ;)

My name is Kia, but you can call me Nana as well. I'm 19 years old and currently reside in Minnesota. I'm a cosmetology student at Minnesota School of Cosmetology. I love art in all its forms. I love makeup and fashion. I'm very passionate about the field I'm in. I also write and read. I still believe reading is one of the best forms of entertainment out there. I'm a loving sweet person who enjoys being around her loved ones. I love all things girly and I'm very easygoing. I'm also a child at heart. Give me ice cream and a smile will instantaneously appear on my face. I'm outgoing and friendly. Most of all, I'm Kia Yang and I do the impossible. =)

"My goal as a cosmetologist is not to make the world beautiful one person at a time, but to show them that they are beautiful one person at a time" ♥

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I realized I've been like a lovesick puppy lately and its honestly starting to scare me. I don't want to fall back into this routine where I wait it out and hope for him to come around. I don't want this to be another relationship where I wait only to have the ending be devastating to my heart. I don't want to get hurt the same way. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. Damn it all. This is my one and only weakness. When I manage to fall in love with someone, I fall hard and I love them instantaneously with all that I have. Thats just how I am. I have a lot of love to give out.

I just don't want to have to give my all and in the end have my strength and devotion be wasted. I guess I'm just on here today to blog and complain about my feelings. I haven't been able to vent it out lately. PLUS! I've been really moody lately. I've been craving a lot of attention from the bf and if I don't get it, I tend to find myself really moody and angry. I don't know whats wrong with me. I guess I just want to know that I'm safe and that I won't lose the love that I found. I'm really insecure these days. I find myself wanting to cry when I think about him and his "past" flings. It scares me and makes me think that there are possibilities that he can leave and find someone else in a matter of seconds. I find myself crying when I realize that he isn't true to his words.

It makes me want to cry when he says sorry and he doesn't even know why. It makes me want to cry when he doesn't follow through. I always want to cry. We can never see each other in a normal setting. We're always out at a party. Never just at home relaxing. It makes me feel like our relationship isn't real and is based on partying and our physicality. It really hurts me cause I truly love him for all that he is. It hurts when he barely wants to come over and complains that my parents may not like him. It hurts cause he doesn't even try. My family wants to get to know him so much, but it seems like he doesn't make much of an effort to know anyone associated with me. I find myself bonding with his family and friends more than he does with mines.

Its really starting to make me think that he doesn't love me....that perhaps he's just toying with me. If a man doesn't want to make an effort to know your people...he probably isn't in it for the long run. *sighs*

Last night I spent the night with him and I honestly wanted to cry and tell him how hurt I was. I was sad the entire night until my girls showed up. I was so close to crying in front of everyone last night. I love my girls. They make everything better.

Still, I miss him....

Truly Yours, Kia Yang

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