Astounded

Gotta Keep It Together

Tuesday, June 15, 2010,4:37 PM

I haven't blogged a full blog lately. I've just been doing brief updates. I'm merely writing just to write. I must keep writing. I can't get rusty now and I've gotten quite rusty already. I can no longer write poetry like I used to. I'm thinking of actually writing short stories. I just don't know what to write about. I need to find an inspiration to write again. I miss the satisfactory feeling I got from finishing a story and touching someone's heart with my words. I miss making someone think twice about their actions. I miss changing someone's lives with my simple stories. Most of all, I miss making people feel emotions they choose to hide. I've made people laugh and cry with my stories. I miss that. A good story can touch people like a good song or good art.

I'm also lacking inspiration in my career. I can't seem to dive into my creative well lately to create anything worth glancing at. My updo's are boring. My makeup is everyday. My hairstyling is at it's average. I've become dull and boring. Perhaps it may be the fact that I am giving less credit to myself than I deserve. I must keep myself motivated and positive. Life has been bringing me a lot of obstacles lately, but I am slowly overcoming them. I must stay positive. God is only testing me and saving the best for last. When I overcome all of these troubles and heartache, he will reward me with only love, laughter, and happiness. I just gotta take it easy on myself. I MUST go to school everyday and complete my education to better my life. I MUST work hard in order to achieve all of my goals. I MUST not lose myself in all that I do and see. I MUST make time for myself and my loved ones. I MUST LOVE MYSELF.

I'm so proud of myself. All that I've been through and all that I've done. Now more than ever I am learning how to depend on myself. Learning that no one is there forever. Learning that sometimes being alone is also a way to thrive. Learning that sometimes goodbye are second chances in life. Most of all, I'm learning that the person I must give the most credit and love to is myself. Even when life got hard, I kept striving. I could've given up years ago. I couldn've taken my life all those times, but I didn't. What matters is that I took that dive into the dark deep abyss we call life. We never know where we're going or how we're getting there, but what matters is that you risk it and simply just go. I didn't know whether I was going to succeed or not, but here I am feeling like I am moving up in the world nontheless.

All I want is to be happy. All we, as humans, want is to be happy. I've had my ups and downs recently, but I can honestly say I am standing here proud and happy of the life I lead. I have the people I need in my life. Those who never cared or mattered left long ago. I made the right choices to be where I am. I took all those lies I told myself and shoved them in the garbage can. All those years I said I would want to have a prestige job such as being a psychologist, but thats a lie. I wouldn't change my career choice even if someone paid me a million dollars. Its not about the money, its the fact that I LOVE doing what I do. I am passionate about my career and honestly, its a part of who I am. Most of all I love those that stood by me during my worst. And I am thankful for that someone who just walked into my life not too long ago. I never knew I could fall in love again. I am excited for life again.

There will be days when it'll be hard to even make a single step, but I believe I can do it. I've come his far already. Whats there to stop me? Nothing and absolutely no one. I got this. =)

Love, Kia Yang