Astounded

Be My Hero

Wednesday, July 28, 2010,1:57 PM

I've been really busy lately. My schedule feels as though its always packed and hectic. Some days I would really prefer that its not so hectic, but some days I would prefer it stay hectic. I spend some days perfectly happy and other days I can't help it but to break down. I've come to realize that all the elders were right. When you're young everything does seem like the end of the world, but as you grow older you come to realize that things will be ok in the end. Life is a struggle, but that is what makes it worth living. I've been encountering a lot of heartbreaking moments lately, but I choose to not let it get to me.

I have grown so much stronger. I'm working harder and harder each day just to make ends meet. Its hard work. Really hard. Some days gets so hard. You have no one to turn to. No one to cry to. You feel as though you can't break down because you can't afford an emotional train wreck at the moment. You want to ask for a little bit of help, but no one can help you except yourself. You tell yourself things will be fine just to have someone yell at you that very day about something you have no power over. You want just a few seconds to sit down, but you can't, you have to rush and transition from work to school to work again. Everyone invites you out to events, but you tell them no because you have to get your life straight and sooner than later you lose your social life. People discourage you so much and you're usually always the only one saying you can. You only make minimum wage and all around you, you see your family suffering. Your dad is losing his job. Your mom can't work. And your siblings can barely get by themselves living from paycheck to paycheck. You want a few minutes of peace and quiet to yourself, but instead of doing so you dedicate those few precious moments to someone else in need of your attention and through it all you lose yourself. You forget that you need some love and nurturing as well. Everyone is telling you that you're taking things too seriously, but you can't mess around. This is the rest of your life that you're dealing with. Its hard and its only getting harder. Sometimes I forget why I'm doing all of this. Working so hard and crying all of those bitter tears. I sometimes forget, but then I go to school every morning and my wonderful instructors and friends remind me. Most of all, when I look back on my life I see that I must make this happen. I must make this work. When I look in the mirror, I see a girl who deserves happiness in all that she does. I see a girl who deserves to capture her dreams and succeed in life as those before her. I see a beautiful loving woman. I see me.

Love, Kia Yang