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Read the daily ramblings of my life. Read it and weep. ;) |
Hate Ramblings
Sunday, February 28, 2010,2:02 PM So my stupid ex decides to write all this stupid shit to me. Its been going on for a few days now and I'm growing tired of it. Talk shit, get hit foo! Gosh, I'm so tired of it. I don't want to hear his "good luck on your relationship" or his "good bye 's". I don't want anything from him. He was yesterday and KP is my today and tomorrow. Seriously, kid, don't you understand I'm over you!? I no longer hurt or spend countless nights crying anymore. Your time for redemption is long over. No, we can't be friends. No, we can't talk. And most of all, no, you cannot redeem yourself and make yourself feel better about the mistakes you made. Understand that you and I are no more. I will never ever come back to you. NEVER. Believe me when I say never. You messed up. When I tried to salvage what we had left you went and burned it along with the sins you committed. I just don't love you anymore. I never will again. Not even as a friend will I love you or respect you. All in honesty, you're a disgusting and despicable person. I really believed in the good in you, but you just keep proving me wrong. Truth is, after you broke my heart I cleaned up my act and now I am doing better for my life. What about you? Seven months after our breakup and you're still doing the same thing. Still stuck in the same rut. You're really pathetic. You can no longer blame me for the mistakes you've made or continue to make. I hate how you blame me left and right for the mistakes that occur over and over in your life. You're starting to sound like a pathetic over played broken record. Get over yourself kid. Yes, you're a kid. You always will be. I'm no longer in your life jerk, so you have NO right to blame me. Truth is, everyone is responsible for their own actions. Time to take responsibility instead of pawning them off on me. Jerk. And yes, I am better off without you. SO much better. Remember this, I'm Kia Yang, I rise from my ashes and I do the friggen impossible. Break me down and I'll only come back stronger. You mean nothing to me anymore. And never will you ever come to have a meaning again. You're just another kid on the streets. You're a sad sad little person. Enjoy your sad little life as you try to dump your mistakes on me cause I'm no longer there. See who you'll turn to now. Your friends are growing tired of your shit too. Suck on that fool. Anyways, sorry about the hate letter there. Haha. I just had to get that crap out of me. I've been really annoyed the ex lately. Who cares though. Kids will be kids. I'm growing up and becoming a better person. I am happy with where I am and who I am. I love my SMC and my KP. My romeo. I'm sooo happy he's with me. Showing me the better half of life and showing me what love is. You are everything I could ever wish for. You're truly the best. I can't even begin to explain how much I love you. I love KP Xiong. Truly Yours, Kia Yang |
With All That I Have
Saturday, February 27, 2010,2:05 PM So I finally finished reading Brida. My first initial thought was that it wasn't that amazing. But after having a conversation with my girls I realized how truly AMAZING Brida was. The girls and I came upon the subject of love and I didn't realize how universal and strong the message of love was in Brida. Its amazing and truly brilliant! Read it! For anyone who wants to learn a little more about love and have it be less confusing. I guess all I have to say really is that love is all that everyone is looking for in the end. Love is what makes the world go round. Even after all the wealth and success, love is what we're truly looking for. So since I'm all done with that book, I'm moving onto Edgar Allan Poe's collection of work. I was reading it this one night and it made me soooo friggen paranoid. Haha. Regardless of the creepy feelings his writing gives you, Poe is an excellent writer. He's still my all time favorite. Reading makes my day go by faster. Haha. Anyways, yesterday I spent the whole day with my lovely ladies and man: Chua, Sadee, and Kong. We walked across the entire Lake Phalen. Ahaha, it was so tiring treading on the snow covered icy lake. But, we did it together! Good times never seemed so damn good. We then went to the library and a coffee shop. We just did all these random things together. I love us. I love SMC. I sometimes miss the days of SMC when there were 6 of us, but what can I do? People change. They grow up and they move on. I miss them all and love them still, I just don't know what to say to the other "distant" two now. I'm kinda getting tired of their antics. Very tired of it all. But oh well, I know all of my SMC very well, and I know that they ALWAYS come back. Cause in the end, they know who their true friends. The only thing I have to say is, "if you know who your true friends are, why do you choose to abandon them in the beginning?" But, getting back to my day yesterday, I also spent the remainder of my night with the girls. I was also with my wonderful boyfriend. He truly made my night last night. He was such a sweetheart. He did everything to make my night a wonderful one. Just when I think I'm losing faith in him, he turns around and does something that sweeps me off my feet. I love my sweetheart. I can't imagine life without him. Well, I can imagine life without him, but it wouldn't be a life I would want to lead. He's the best. I had to meet my Lawrence in order to meet my KP (haha, inside saying). I appreciate my sweetheart sooo much after meeting all those jackasses out there. He's THEE best. I couldn't ask for more. He's all that I asked for and much more than I could ever imagine. Me: I love you KP: I love you too Me: Really? KP: Mmhmm Me: Why do you love me? *smiles* KP: I love everything about you. Whats there not to love? ♥ Yours Truly, Kia Yang |
Brida.
Thursday, February 25, 2010,2:10 PM Ok, so today I finally got my lazy self up and out the door and headed on over to the library! Yay! I haven't read a decent book in ages. Its about time I start reading again and get my brain gears grinding again. They've been a tad dusty. So, anyways I decided to grab four books. A little bit of something. I got Brida by Paul Coehlo, the first book I plunged into. And I also got The Tell-Tale Heart and Other Stories by Edgar Allan Poe, The Path Not Taken by Robert Frost, and A Free Life by Han Jin. Obviously the Poe and Frost books are more like collections of poems, but I love poetry. Poe, Tennyson, and Dickinson are among my favorites. I love all the greats. But anyways, getting back on track, I love Brida so far. Paul Coehlo definitely does not disappoint. I became a fan right away after reading The Alchemist. And Brida is exactly the same. It does not disappoint or let down his readers! For anyone who hasn't read The Alchemist, I truly recommend it. Its life changing. It surely made me look at life different. I'm about to finish up Brida so I'll let you guys know if its life changing or not. Long story short, its a book about a girl named Brida. She's looking for love in the simplest terms. She comes to realize that looking for love is more than just about looking for having someone there. Its about finding yourself and completing yourself as a whole. Its a beautifully written book. Its simplistic. The diction is not grandiose and complex, but simple and straightforward. Paul Coehlo wants, us, readers to understand and comprehend what he's trying to write so there isn't much need for the fancy language. I simply love it. Its the kind of style I'd write in. Simple and plain, but gets to the point and touches the heart. I guess all I have to do now is finish up reading Brida and then blog about that. Besides that, I want to get back into reading Nicholas Sparks' books. He wrote The Notebook, Nights In Rodanthe, and Dear John which, by the way, were all turned into major cinematic movies. And after watching The Notebook and reading the book itself, I fell in love. He's a great author and captures love and romance perfectly. I love it! Eeek, books get me soooo excited and jumpy. Haha. Look at me, I'm such a nerd. I love books. Its like candyland for me when I'm in a bookstore or library. Either that or a makeup store. Remember, I love makeup just as much. Haha. Anyways, I'll keep reading. And to everyone else, keep reading too! It helps with your language and your vocabulary. And below I have a photo of the cover of Brida. Oh what fun, right? Haha, I know...I'm a nerd. -_- ![]() Yours Truly, Kia Yang |
Reflectional Piece
Wednesday, February 24, 2010,1:01 PM Ok, ok, I know, I just got done posting, but I'm posting again. I can't help it. Haha. I was listening to Miley Cyrus' song, "The Climb" and I started thinking a lot again. So, here I am, writing again. In my last post I was talking about how far I've come and all, but I didn't do too much expanding on those thoughts. So, I want to start writing about that right now. I was texting Chua and we both agreed that every one of our close SMC friends have come so far. I couldn't agree more. We've all come such a long way, growing and learning from one another. So, lets start off my reflectional piece. Thinking back, I never really had happy years. The earliest happy memories I have are those of my childhood years. Other than that, my teen years were a living nightmare. I was truly depressed and even diagnosed with depression at age 16. I struggled for years silently until I finally put myself into psychotherapy. Everyday was a struggle to simply just live. I'm being serious. I'm not even being one bit dramatic. No one truly knows how it is until they go through it themselves. I was miserable. But anyways, to bring it up to speed I eventually healed from all the hurt and pain and was slowly moving on with life. Sooner than later, I crashed and burned again. It was my senior year and I was lost and confused. I had recently just broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I was hurting, but in denial. I honestly don't know what I was thinking at the time, but I got addicted to the party life fast. I took one hit of it and I was addicted like a drug addict would be to narcotics. I longed to party and drink even on school nights. I eventually stopped attending school and I found myself drinking everyday. I honestly thought I was happy at the time too. Sadly, I was only fooling myself. I was so caught up in my new boyfriend and just partying my nights away. I eventually became homeless due to issues at home. I was out on the streets on my own. I can honestly say that many of the friends I thought was going to be there abandoned me. I learned who my true friends were and I eventually learned that even family can betray you. I never felt more alone than at that moment. I was truly facing the cruel world alone holding on tightly to a fragile tattered string that was soon to break. And when that string snapped I fell flat on my face. My heart, soul, spirit, and dreams were all crushed in a matter of seconds. I have to admit, I was a strong young woman who had it all going for her, and I threw it all away in a few months. I became someone that I didn't want to be. Someone that I would never want to be again. I was ashamed of myself. I eventually got back on my feet and became the change I wanted to see. I pulled myself away from all of my best friends. I felt like I had to do this all alone and take myself away from them at the moment. I honestly felt like perhaps they were the reason that I was constantly out and partying, but never did I see that the problem was the one person that I kept at my side. When I cut connections with my best friends, I cut off a piece of my heart. I cut off my only support system. I cut off my oxygen. My very life. It may sound ridiculous, but thats how much I love my besties. They are my other family. My other half. My everythings. Sooner than later the bf and I started encountering problems. He was young and carefree. I was a woman that was trying to make it into the world. He was still trying to live out his younger days. We argued constantly. Over the summer of 2009, I was once again alone. When him and I argued, I cried alone. When he walked out on me I had no one to run to. When he ran into the arms of another girl I had no one to confide in. Thats when I realized I threw aside one of the most important things I ever had in my life, my best friends. I still recall asking my friend, Jesse, a question that pertained to heartbreaks. I asked, "Jesse, I wished God made a superglue for heartbreaks. Do you think there is one?". I remember him replying, "There is a superglue for heartbreaks, they're called friends". All I can remember is having an outburst of tears. My heart was in pain and slowly dying. I didn't know where my home was. I didn't know where my soul was. For an entire SMC was broken, torn, and tattered. At the time I thought I was the only one hurting and crying, but I now know that we were all hurt. We all longed for each others company. And more than anything, we all wanted to see each other again and just make things better. We were just too stubborn at the time. Long story short, SMC finally got back together. This time around we were unbreakable. One thing did manage to fall apart though. The boyfriend, Neng, and I soon fell apart. I have no regrets about that. Good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. When he left me alone in shattered pieces with only frowns and tears, SMC came along and picked me up. They dusted me off, put the pieces back together, and showed me that there was beauty underneath all the bruises and scars. They showed me how to smile again. They showed me the way to happiness again. In fact, they held my hands and guided me well on my way to happiness again. We all grew so much. Sadee became much more patient and learned that "sugar catches more flies than vinegar". Chua finally came to see that she is beautiful in every way possible. And Kong is finally growing up and coming to see the world less and less in rose colored glasses. Khoua is finishing up her schooling in medical assisting and MK is finally out in the real world learning how to be less naive. And as for me, I've finally learned to stop dwelling in the past. I have today and tomorrow to look forward to. The past may have almost killed me, but its the past. Its done with. At the end of the day I just need myself, my crazy family, SMC, and my newfound love KP. And more than anything, I'm learning how to love myself more and more each day. I'm happy knowing that at the end of the day I have people that love me and care for me. I have lost my way but I am here today stronger than ever. Who needs the rest of the world when I have my tops? I love you all. And most of all, I love Kia Yang. Its some love that she has been long starved of. Yours Truly, Kia Yang |
School School School♥
11:04 AM Well hello world! Today I just got done meeting with MSC (Minnesota School of Cosmetology), and I have to say, they're a great school. Better than Regency or Empire. I love it. They just seemed a lot more cheerful and friendly. First impression is everything! I still have to meet with MCHD on Friday. Its all the way out in St. Cloud, but I'm willing to attend it if its a good school. I'm super excited to start school and just start life! Life has really taken the biggest turn for me. It went from really bad to great. All the blood, sweat, and tears really paid off. I'm so happy. Everything is definitely starting to look better, brighter, and happier. I'm finally content with all that I have in life. All the right people and things are now in my life. All the pieces fit. I know life will still be hard. There will still be obstacles, but when aren't there obstacles in life? I just feel stronger now. A lot stronger. I feel as I can face anything and I'll still be ok. Life will be hard since it was never easy to begin with, but with SMC, KP, and my family I can take on the whole world. The hardest part is truly over. =) Yours Truly, Kia Yang |
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