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Read the daily ramblings of my life. Read it and weep. ;) |
Dear Love
Saturday, September 11, 2010,10:34 AM Dear Love, I have come to the conclusion that I no longer want to love. I know, I know. Love doesn't hurt, its everything else that hurts. I guess sometimes the other person just can't put yourself in your situation. They don't know how you feel because you don't treat them that way, therefore they'll never understand. I wished he'd understand. I do so much. I hate it. I hate how I wait for his phonecalls and text messages night in and night out. I hate how I wake up numerous of times throughout the night just to check if he's messaged me. Most of all I hate waking up to realize my phone has no missed calls or messages. It hurts so much. It hurts to go an entire day with a simple hello or notification as to what happened to him. It hurts. It hurts to know that you have no ways to console yourself. It hurts to know that he'll probably never care as much as you do. I can't be that super girlfriend anymore. I can't be that girlfriend who is so forgiving. I can't forgive him anymore. After everytime he hurts me I always accept his sorry-excuse-of-an-apology. I always take him back lovingly. And instead of resolving an issue, I let him go off, because I don't want to spend my time dwelling on pain. Reality is that so many of our issues are resolved. They're like wounds that keep reopening and I keep forcing them close. I'm so tired of being broken inside. Most of all I'm tired of his ways. Telling me he'll make it better. Telling me he'll change just to go back to the way he was. I'm starting to think I deserve better. Thing is, I love him. I love him wholeheartedly without a shadow of a doubt. Help me. =( Love, Kia Yang |
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