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Read the daily ramblings of my life. Read it and weep. ;)
A Letter To Myself
Wednesday, September 22, 2010,11:45 AM

Dear Kia,

I'm really proud of you. I hope you know that. You've come so far in your life. Remember when you used to be a suicidal teen that thought no one cared? Remember when you used to do things to hurt yourself just to get rid of the pain? Remember when you'd go running just to feel like you were leaving all the troubles away? Well look at you now. You no longer run away. You face things head on. You've changed a lot. You used to cling onto others in fear that you'd have no one to lean on, but you're coming to learn that at the end of the day YOU have to be the one that makes life worth it. You're beginning to set goals and going after them. Keep dreaming big. Don't let anyone bring you down. Most of all, don't bring yourself down. Do you know how often you do that to yourself? Everyone is standing there telling you you're beautiful, but you always look in the mirror and tear that image down. Stop. You ARE beautiful. The most beautiful person I know. Its time you start believing that. KP isn't always going to make you feel beautiful. Friends aren't always going to be there. You are. You're going to have to be strong for yourself. Who cares about others saying you're trying too hard to be strong. What do they know? They don't know you. You know yourself best. You're always strong because you don't want to fall. You don't want to fall and bring others with you because you're kindhearted. You always push yourself to go further than you can. Some times you fall short, but thats ok. You're human. Just don't give yourself less than what you deserve. STOP giving so much out. Give to yourself as well. You're always so busy doing things for others that you forget you need just as much love and nurturing as well. Stop trying to always keep a busy schedule. You only do that so you won't have time to think about the hurt. Its ok. Its ok to have ONE day to yourself and just breathe. Its ok. It really is. You're trying harder than you ever have before, and I want you to know that years from now it will all pay off. So stop. Stop dwelling on the past and move forward. You do that too often. You hold on when everyone has let go already because you gave a part of yourself to them. STOP IT! Give, but DO NOT give yourself away. Life is about creating yourself, so why are you giving parts of yourself away? They belong to you. YOUR HEART BELONGS TO YOU. So be nice to it and protect it.

Do you know how wonderful you're doing? You're working two jobs and going to school. Not many people can do that. You're setting goals and reaching them. You've gotten past all the hardships, so don't let anything stop you now. You've hit rock bottom, now reach for the sky! Go all the way! You've been through Yee. He did you wrong. He cheated on you. He was unfaithful. You've been through the arguments. The lonely nights. You've been through the lonely walks home. The embarassing story that everyone knew except you. You've gone through all of that. You've been through Neng who practically tore you apart from the ground up. You went through his crazy drunken nights. You went through his crazy arguments and abuse. You took all of his blame and all of his shame. You are strong and you can do so much. You have soooo much potential, you just can't see it. Somedays its going to be hard and you're gonna want to cry, but don't give up. Keep going. And if you need a break than take a break. You're very intact with your emotions and I know you. I know that when you can't take anymore you just want a day away. So do it. Take that day away from the world. You're usually on your feet in no time when you give yourself space to breathe. You're gonna make it big. You just don't know it yet. Keep striving to better yourself. You're not in a competition with anyone, but yourself. Don't give up. So I'm gonna tell you this now, brush off your shoulders, hold your head up high, take a deep breath, and stand up. Stand up tall. You're Kia Yang, you do the impossible that no one else can ever do. I love you Kia Yang. You're beautiful. Don't ever forget that. Not even for a split second. You're amazing.

Love, Kia Yang =)

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