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Read the daily ramblings of my life. Read it and weep. ;)
Tangled Up In Silence
Thursday, August 19, 2010,3:28 PM

I sit here at my boyfriends house and I am spinning in emotions. I feel like today was a waste of my day. If I had a remote control for life I'd skip right over this day. I sit here trying to fake my emotions. Putting on a show for people when I clearly know I'm upset. I guess you can say that overall I'm happy with my life now. I really am. I just have a lot of downs lately. More than I can handle or let on. I get through the days though. Some days are better than others. I wouldn't change a thing about my life right now. I'm happy with the decisions I've made and actions I've taken.

I guess life just gets overwhelming as we all grow up. People walk out and others walk in. Situations are constantly changing. One day may bring you good news and another day will bear terrible heart wrenching news. I guess I have no where else to pour my heart out, so I'm online pouring it into some blog of mines. How depressing. I guess its ok. I've missed writing. I've missed writing poems and short stories. To be honest, I miss the simple days. When nothing mattered and everything was ok.

I miss having time to do things for myself. I miss not having to worry about every little thing every minute. I shouldn't be one to complain though. The entire nation is struggling, not just my family and I. I guess its just a critical state for me right now. That "make it or break it" state.

Ugh, my head is flooded with thoughts. I'm gonna go cool down. Toodles.

Love, Kia Yang

A Million Reasons Why
Sunday, August 1, 2010,12:12 PM

I've been finding myself missing SMC a lot lately. Its the oddest feeling. Some days I go perfectly fine and happy without them on my mind, but some days it brings me down so low. Its a love-hate relationship. *sighs* To be honest I miss all of them individually and as a whole. Its just not in me to abandon someone or something. I miss them dearly. I want us to all get together again someday. I really miss em. Just one day to us SMC kids. I really need it too. So much school and work I haven't had time for myself. I just want some pampering time. =)

This past weekend made me realize just how much I miss my girls. No matter what happens they're always my down ass girls. I've come to realize that I need them just as much as they need me. I realized how much I need that girl companionship. That time away from them was just what I needed though. I'm glad I took that break from them. I don't regret it. I think it just made me stronger. It left me standing alone and let me learn how to deal with life's problems as they come. I can now say that I can pretty much take a lot of things on now. I can't take the whole world on quite yet, but I can do well on my own now. I'm not some broken fragile bird anymore. I'm finally learning how to take flight on my own. I'm proud myself. Through it all, I've somehow made it and learned how to take the troubles and turn it into something that can make me smile. Through the trials and tribulations I am pushing through. I have to push through in order to see the rainbow after the rain.

I'm a happier person today than I was yesterday. I owe so much of it to SMC, Doua, and KP. We all hurt one another at one point and time, but what matters is that at the end of the day I know that no matter what these people will come for me. I apologize to all of you for my actions. I had to do what I did in order to get to where I am today. I was so lost and hurt. I was so confused. Life is hard and its only getting harder, but that short time of seperation showed me that I have the strength to live this hard life. It showed me that God is watching over me and keeping me safe. Through it all I think I've finally found a little piece of happiness in the breakdown. I want to be happy and in order to be happy I must go through all of the hurt and tears first.

I love all of you with all of my heart. You all don't know to which extent my love goes for you. Its pretty much endless.

Love, Kia Yang

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